Book I'm Reading: "On Being Nice" by The School of Life

Motives are therefore crucial. Unfortunately, we are seldom good at perceiving what motives are involved in the incidents that hurt us. We are easily and wildly mistaken. We see intention where there was none and escalate and confront when no strenuous or agitated responses are warranted.

The key to the problem of friendship is found in an odd-sounding place: a lack of a sense of purpose. Our attempts at friendship tend to go adrift, because we collectively resist the task of developing a clear picture of what friendship is really for.

What so often holds us back around others, and makes us cold when we deep down long to be close, is a fear of a loss of dignity.